What not to loose

Yesterday can be considered as the worst day ever of this year. It was another day which I cried very hardly for.... An hour? All I can say now is that, I tried my best. This was the first time I could tell myself that yes, I gave the best I could.
I really have no idea why they were all doing this to me. I mean, is hurting me that deep really fun for u? It just feels like the cycle is repeating all over again. Really, why can't I just get over it? I am such a coward. I only do nothing but cry at a corner when something happens.

But this is me. I really tried changing my personality before, but it's very hard. Really. How do u know that I never tried? I hate this character of mine too. But what can I do? Can u tell me how to change it? Or do u really deep in ur heart just want me to be all alone by myself? Being a loner without anyone there for me. Is that really what u guys want??

Deep down I am really lonely. To be honest, I might be putting up a strong front, but deep down I am those kind of people who cannot survive alone. I really need someone who can cheer me up and comfort me when I am alone. But I can't show or tell anyone this fact can I? No one is ever really there for me. Yes there is my family, but always depending on them only gives them unnecessary burden. I don't want that. So, I only can depend on myself, keeping all these dark secrets deep within, and putting up a strong front. I mean, I can't do anything else now can I? I am all alone. I am also..... Scared of this feeling.
There is actually only one thing that I truly want out of so many others. I don't want to be lonely. Yes, I might want to become a anime character and live in the anime world because I can remove all these scary feelings right? But doesn't it just lead me back to not wanting to be lonely? Isn't it so funny? It just feels like heaven is making a fool out of me.

I realized this one important fact yesterday. You can loose anyone, but yourself. Be it your friends or anyone, all of them could forsake u, hate u or leave u, but u must never give up on yourself. Yes it can be so painful that u wanna die, but dying is just showing that they won isn't it? Live for yourself and not for others. That is the reason u were born. This is the only life u have that u are u. You might be leading a next life, having a nice and happy life, but it is not ur life anymore. It is someone else's. So, don't lose yourself, and live a fruitful life, so at the end of the day, u can have no regrets.

"If you don't give up on getting there, then you're not on the wrong road. Even if the place you arrive at isn't you were hoping for, just search out the next place from there. If you do that, you'll eventually arrive without fail."
So, everyone out there, do ur best and don't give up!!!!

That's all for now,
Ciao ciao

P.S. sorry for not posting for so long... It's exam periods now thus I have to study...