Yesterday can be considered as the worst day ever of this year. It was another day which I cried very hardly for.... An hour? All I can say now is that, I tried my best. This was the first time I could tell myself that yes, I gave the best I could.
I really have no idea why they were all doing this to me. I mean, is hurting me that deep really fun for u? It just feels like the cycle is repeating all over again. Really, why can't I just get over it? I am such a coward. I only do nothing but cry at a corner when something happens.
But this is me. I really tried changing my personality before, but it's very hard. Really. How do u know that I never tried? I hate this character of mine too. But what can I do? Can u tell me how to change it? Or do u really deep in ur heart just want me to be all alone by myself? Being a loner without anyone there for me. Is that really what u guys want??
Deep down I am really lonely. To be honest, I might be putting up a strong front, but deep down I am those kind of people who cannot survive alone. I really need someone who can cheer me up and comfort me when I am alone. But I can't show or tell anyone this fact can I? No one is ever really there for me. Yes there is my family, but always depending on them only gives them unnecessary burden. I don't want that. So, I only can depend on myself, keeping all these dark secrets deep within, and putting up a strong front. I mean, I can't do anything else now can I? I am all alone. I am also..... Scared of this feeling.
There is actually only one thing that I truly want out of so many others. I don't want to be lonely. Yes, I might want to become a anime character and live in the anime world because I can remove all these scary feelings right? But doesn't it just lead me back to not wanting to be lonely? Isn't it so funny? It just feels like heaven is making a fool out of me.
I realized this one important fact yesterday. You can loose anyone, but yourself. Be it your friends or anyone, all of them could forsake u, hate u or leave u, but u must never give up on yourself. Yes it can be so painful that u wanna die, but dying is just showing that they won isn't it? Live for yourself and not for others. That is the reason u were born. This is the only life u have that u are u. You might be leading a next life, having a nice and happy life, but it is not ur life anymore. It is someone else's. So, don't lose yourself, and live a fruitful life, so at the end of the day, u can have no regrets.
"If you don't give up on getting there, then you're not on the wrong road. Even if the place you arrive at isn't you were hoping for, just search out the next place from there. If you do that, you'll eventually arrive without fail."
So, everyone out there, do ur best and don't give up!!!!
That's all for now,
Ciao ciao
P.S. sorry for not posting for so long... It's exam periods now thus I have to study...
Friday, 28 September 2012
Tuesday, 18 September 2012
Purpose in life
Why are humans created? Why is there life? What is the purpose of even being alive, and being yourself? These are questions I ask myself after watching an anime today.
In that anime, a guy had no purpose in life. But his sister, who lived in an hospital her whole life due to her sickness, had a purpose in life. She wanted to explore the world and learn new things. The brother often brought manga for his sister to read in the hospital. His sister would give a bright smile and thank him. Then he decided that for the Christmas which was coming, he is going to bring his sister out to explore the city- whether the doctor allowed him to do that or not. He then started taking up numerous jobs, and decided to give his sister the best Christmas ever.
They had fun the entire day during Christmas. But shortly after, the sister died as her condition deteriorated. The brother then realized that his purpose in life was to buy that book of manga every month for his sister, and the smile that she gave him was what spurred him to continue living. He thought that he realized his purpose in life too late, but no. He decided that his new purpose in life was to live the fullest he could, in the place of his sister. But in the end, when he finally got his scholarship, he died in an accident.
When I watched this, I asked myself, why am I living? What is my purpose in life? I have no idea. I have no ambition, so I just pass a day as it is. I have no idea how it means to live for a purpose. To me, living for my family and friends are not considered as life purposes as they will all leave me one day.
But I don't dare to think too deeply into it. Even though that is my character, and I was just born with that personality to think deeply into things, I just couldn't bring myself to think further for this matter. What if I realize that I really have no purpose in life? What should I do then?
But that doesn't really matter now I guess. I think I just have to focus in my studies now and nothing more :) why pressure yourself about this now? There's just no point. (that's for me, as I really have no purpose in life. But not u guys out thr!!!!!)
But to all those people out there, I urge u to think about it. I hope that u would have a meaningful and awesome purpose in life. I dun want u to finally find out ur goal one day and then ends up like that anime character. It would be just too sad already. So, find out your purpose in life now, and fulfill it the best u can! I dun want u to have any regrets!!!! Good luck!!! :D
Gotta go now,
Ciao ciao ;)
In that anime, a guy had no purpose in life. But his sister, who lived in an hospital her whole life due to her sickness, had a purpose in life. She wanted to explore the world and learn new things. The brother often brought manga for his sister to read in the hospital. His sister would give a bright smile and thank him. Then he decided that for the Christmas which was coming, he is going to bring his sister out to explore the city- whether the doctor allowed him to do that or not. He then started taking up numerous jobs, and decided to give his sister the best Christmas ever.
They had fun the entire day during Christmas. But shortly after, the sister died as her condition deteriorated. The brother then realized that his purpose in life was to buy that book of manga every month for his sister, and the smile that she gave him was what spurred him to continue living. He thought that he realized his purpose in life too late, but no. He decided that his new purpose in life was to live the fullest he could, in the place of his sister. But in the end, when he finally got his scholarship, he died in an accident.
When I watched this, I asked myself, why am I living? What is my purpose in life? I have no idea. I have no ambition, so I just pass a day as it is. I have no idea how it means to live for a purpose. To me, living for my family and friends are not considered as life purposes as they will all leave me one day.
But I don't dare to think too deeply into it. Even though that is my character, and I was just born with that personality to think deeply into things, I just couldn't bring myself to think further for this matter. What if I realize that I really have no purpose in life? What should I do then?
But that doesn't really matter now I guess. I think I just have to focus in my studies now and nothing more :) why pressure yourself about this now? There's just no point. (that's for me, as I really have no purpose in life. But not u guys out thr!!!!!)
But to all those people out there, I urge u to think about it. I hope that u would have a meaningful and awesome purpose in life. I dun want u to finally find out ur goal one day and then ends up like that anime character. It would be just too sad already. So, find out your purpose in life now, and fulfill it the best u can! I dun want u to have any regrets!!!! Good luck!!! :D
Gotta go now,
Ciao ciao ;)
Friday, 7 September 2012
Time
Hello again!
I guess I'm posting something again to make up for my irregular posting :D
On twitter, I've read many things regarding life from other people.
Some say that seeking for love is wasting time, some say that studying is wasting time, and some would even say that everything that they've been doing is wasting time.
And more often than not, people always wish that time can rewind.
All of these is talking about time isn't it? If you were never born, you won't even have all the time doing/saying all of these right? Time is just like two sides of a mirror I guess. It could either be a miracle for some people, but also a torture and pain for others.
Many times, it really feels like time is making a fool out of us.
Older generations often tell us not to waste time and do the things we can as soon as possible.
For example,
Art Teacher: Don't waste your time on useless things like Facebook and twitter! It's useless!
What I can say: Then isn't learning and doing art wasting time too? It's useless for me since I know I won't become an artist.
The truth that I feel is, people are never wasting their time. Repeatedly watching the same old cartoon can allow them to remember some funny parts and laugh. This applies to learning. It is never possible for one to remember every single thing they learn. But they gain knowledge. Every minute and second, people would be doing something.
Even when they are sleeping, their hearts continue to beat. They continue to breathe.
So no one is actually wasting time. If you look it at another way, isn't wasting time a sign that we are still alive and still has time to waste?
So, never say that whatever you are doing is meaningless.
Yes, when you are fixated looking at things from a stereotyped angle, you are wasting time, but I still feel that in time logic, no one is actually wasting time. Somehow, all of it just feels so confusing right? So, instead of thinking so much, just focus on living your life to the fullest you can, so that at the end of the day, you leave yourself with no regrets!
That's all for today!
Ciao ciao :)
I guess I'm posting something again to make up for my irregular posting :D
On twitter, I've read many things regarding life from other people.
Some say that seeking for love is wasting time, some say that studying is wasting time, and some would even say that everything that they've been doing is wasting time.
And more often than not, people always wish that time can rewind.
All of these is talking about time isn't it? If you were never born, you won't even have all the time doing/saying all of these right? Time is just like two sides of a mirror I guess. It could either be a miracle for some people, but also a torture and pain for others.
Many times, it really feels like time is making a fool out of us.
Older generations often tell us not to waste time and do the things we can as soon as possible.
For example,
Art Teacher: Don't waste your time on useless things like Facebook and twitter! It's useless!
What I can say: Then isn't learning and doing art wasting time too? It's useless for me since I know I won't become an artist.
The truth that I feel is, people are never wasting their time. Repeatedly watching the same old cartoon can allow them to remember some funny parts and laugh. This applies to learning. It is never possible for one to remember every single thing they learn. But they gain knowledge. Every minute and second, people would be doing something.
Even when they are sleeping, their hearts continue to beat. They continue to breathe.
So no one is actually wasting time. If you look it at another way, isn't wasting time a sign that we are still alive and still has time to waste?
So, never say that whatever you are doing is meaningless.
Yes, when you are fixated looking at things from a stereotyped angle, you are wasting time, but I still feel that in time logic, no one is actually wasting time. Somehow, all of it just feels so confusing right? So, instead of thinking so much, just focus on living your life to the fullest you can, so that at the end of the day, you leave yourself with no regrets!
That's all for today!
Ciao ciao :)
Perseverance
Hello there.
I apologize for not blogging yesterday, because I was doing my homework the whole time... I didn't believe it before, but yesterday, I finally realized that perseverance does help you achieve the things you want (within your capabilities, that is).
I was aiming to complete all of my homework yesterday, which I thought was impossible. I wanted to give up a few times, but because of one goal I wanted to achieve, I did it!
Thus, I guess, if you persevere, you would realize that you can actually complete more things that you think you couldn't.
Persevering is NOT wasting your time. Yes, you may fail many many times, but as long as you don't give up, your goal might just be in your reach. If you look at it carefully, perseverance was how Thomas edison manage to come up with one of the greatest inventions- light bulbs.
So just remember. If there's a will, there would be a way.
Recently, I have no idea why I keep dreaming that me and that best friend had made up. When I wake up, I realize that it's all a dream and I feel so... Disappointed. I just can't stop asking myself what can I really do to get back this valuable friendship. I've tried many methods but it all just doesn't work.
For so many times, I wanted to give up just like that. But after what happened yesterday, it made me realize this- if I continue to persevere, I'm sure that I can get back this friendship one day!
Hopefully, she would get touched from all of these and we can make up ^^
But if she really thinks I'm annoying and gives me hints to go away, I would respect her decision. After all, I've tried and gave in my all.
So, to everyone out there, it is inevitable for one to fail and feel disappointed. But what really matters is for you to continue persevering and moving on. If you could do that at whatever things you do, I'm sure wonderful results would be awaiting u. It would not be 100% impossible if you have that will to do something. It is just a matter of whether you have that determination to persevere and strive for your goal.
So, allow me to cheer you on here! Just try your best, get all the luck you need, and create your own miracle with your own hands!
That's all for now, matta née!
Ciao ciao!
I apologize for not blogging yesterday, because I was doing my homework the whole time... I didn't believe it before, but yesterday, I finally realized that perseverance does help you achieve the things you want (within your capabilities, that is).
I was aiming to complete all of my homework yesterday, which I thought was impossible. I wanted to give up a few times, but because of one goal I wanted to achieve, I did it!
Thus, I guess, if you persevere, you would realize that you can actually complete more things that you think you couldn't.
Persevering is NOT wasting your time. Yes, you may fail many many times, but as long as you don't give up, your goal might just be in your reach. If you look at it carefully, perseverance was how Thomas edison manage to come up with one of the greatest inventions- light bulbs.
So just remember. If there's a will, there would be a way.
Recently, I have no idea why I keep dreaming that me and that best friend had made up. When I wake up, I realize that it's all a dream and I feel so... Disappointed. I just can't stop asking myself what can I really do to get back this valuable friendship. I've tried many methods but it all just doesn't work.
For so many times, I wanted to give up just like that. But after what happened yesterday, it made me realize this- if I continue to persevere, I'm sure that I can get back this friendship one day!
Hopefully, she would get touched from all of these and we can make up ^^
But if she really thinks I'm annoying and gives me hints to go away, I would respect her decision. After all, I've tried and gave in my all.
So, to everyone out there, it is inevitable for one to fail and feel disappointed. But what really matters is for you to continue persevering and moving on. If you could do that at whatever things you do, I'm sure wonderful results would be awaiting u. It would not be 100% impossible if you have that will to do something. It is just a matter of whether you have that determination to persevere and strive for your goal.
So, allow me to cheer you on here! Just try your best, get all the luck you need, and create your own miracle with your own hands!
That's all for now, matta née!
Ciao ciao!
Tuesday, 4 September 2012
A fictional character
Hi again!
Sorry for not posting this few days.. I guess I was just so busy watching anime with all the time I can spare. Honestly, although I'm still not yet recovered totally at the moment, but I still do feel a lot better.
A question was stuck in my head these few days, and as for now, I think I have the answer for it.
A friend once asked me for the reason as to why I love anime so much that I "live" for it.
Well, I guess my answer now is that I love it so much because I can relate to some of the animes- the meaning behind it.
I simply just love how the anime world is so carefree. And thus, that's a reason why I want to live in the anime world so much... Although it is like a world where one cannot differentiate between the real and fake like the world we are living in, but the different thing is, in the anime world, even though characters are fake and don't exist (in our world), if you really believe in them, you can really see that they are really real.
Things which happen in the anime world are just like fantasies, and in the world we live in right now. they are all considered as fictional characters.
Perhaps that's why I love anime so much.
They allow me to escape to their world for comfort and laughter every time I need it. As everything is not real, it's all like a blurred mirror where I cannot see anything, and it allows me to hide from all the fake people and their fake smiles in this world.
At least in the anime world, one thing is certain to me.
Friendships between almost every single one of them are real. People are willing to do anything for each other just because they regard each other as someone they care for, and not just "friends" in name.
That's the reason why I can't help wonder why can't our world be the same sometimes.
Why could some people act all friendly in front of you and still laugh at you behind their backs?
Why could some people act so carefree after stabbing you so hard in your heart?
Just why are the people in our world so fake?
If only our world is as pure as the anime world, where one would not lie and stab others in their backs like it's nothing unless they have a desperate reason. That would really be an oasis for everyone to live in wouldn't it?
That would be the most awesome thing ever. Thus, I just pray for this every single night.
I pray that when I wake up one day, I myself would just magically become an anime character living in the anime world, having true and real friends. Of course, I also pray that my family would be there too, enjoying that peaceful life with me. And we would just vanish from this scary world once and for all.
Well, I guess that's enough from me for now,
Ciao ciao!
Sorry for not posting this few days.. I guess I was just so busy watching anime with all the time I can spare. Honestly, although I'm still not yet recovered totally at the moment, but I still do feel a lot better.
A question was stuck in my head these few days, and as for now, I think I have the answer for it.
A friend once asked me for the reason as to why I love anime so much that I "live" for it.
Well, I guess my answer now is that I love it so much because I can relate to some of the animes- the meaning behind it.
I simply just love how the anime world is so carefree. And thus, that's a reason why I want to live in the anime world so much... Although it is like a world where one cannot differentiate between the real and fake like the world we are living in, but the different thing is, in the anime world, even though characters are fake and don't exist (in our world), if you really believe in them, you can really see that they are really real.
Things which happen in the anime world are just like fantasies, and in the world we live in right now. they are all considered as fictional characters.
Perhaps that's why I love anime so much.
They allow me to escape to their world for comfort and laughter every time I need it. As everything is not real, it's all like a blurred mirror where I cannot see anything, and it allows me to hide from all the fake people and their fake smiles in this world.
At least in the anime world, one thing is certain to me.
Friendships between almost every single one of them are real. People are willing to do anything for each other just because they regard each other as someone they care for, and not just "friends" in name.
That's the reason why I can't help wonder why can't our world be the same sometimes.
Why could some people act all friendly in front of you and still laugh at you behind their backs?
Why could some people act so carefree after stabbing you so hard in your heart?
Just why are the people in our world so fake?
If only our world is as pure as the anime world, where one would not lie and stab others in their backs like it's nothing unless they have a desperate reason. That would really be an oasis for everyone to live in wouldn't it?
That would be the most awesome thing ever. Thus, I just pray for this every single night.
I pray that when I wake up one day, I myself would just magically become an anime character living in the anime world, having true and real friends. Of course, I also pray that my family would be there too, enjoying that peaceful life with me. And we would just vanish from this scary world once and for all.
Well, I guess that's enough from me for now,
Ciao ciao!
Sunday, 2 September 2012
In the journey of calming down
Hi again!
Sorry for not posting yesterday. I was watching anime the whole day again. Just for you guys out there who have not touched anime before, allow me to tell you this- Anime is really really awesome and great. It can allow you to learn meaningful stuff, and it either makes you laugh to cheer you up, or make you cry because it's very sad and allow you feel better afterwards.
So, I just have no idea how some people can hate anime. I just absolutely hate it when they criticize about anime in general online. If they don't like it, they could just quit watching it all together and not post hateful comments everywhere. I mean, if they can't create something better, I really think that they have no right to even criticize it in the first place.
Well, putting that aside, earlier in the afternoon, I managed to scream all I want when I was alone! I really felt a lot better. I'm really glad that I managed to do three of the things I said I would do in two short days.
Listening to music really helped a whole lot.
I recall a friend once giving me an advice to listen to anime songs before i sleep, and it helped! I managed to stop having nightmares recently, so i think that its all thanks to that.
Lastly, all I can think about is that it's really great when there's no school, so I wouldn't have to face her... Well, I might be escaping, but it helps me recover... So I guess that it is okay right? At least now I have other friends talking to me, just like medicine, they are all helping me to recover, and I'm really thankful for that.
Having friends is a good thing, a blessing even! Although they may hurt me at times, but no one is perfect, so I guess I can't really blame them. Learning to forgive and forget so that I wouldn't be the one getting hurt at the end of the day is the most important thing for now.
"Love to gain, and hate to lose."
If you are those whom keep clinging on to the past (like me), why not remember the nice and good things instead of the bad and sad stuff? Just remember, even if friends bring you sad memories, they bring you joyous ones too.
No one could really live without friends...
Some say that they could, but watching shows when you eat and doing stuff alone makes you lonely right..? So, treasure your friends (those whom you can communicate with) and forgive the mistakes they did which they caused you to cry, because you might have made them cry too...
Anyways, that's all for now I guess,
Ciao ciao!! <3
Sorry for not posting yesterday. I was watching anime the whole day again. Just for you guys out there who have not touched anime before, allow me to tell you this- Anime is really really awesome and great. It can allow you to learn meaningful stuff, and it either makes you laugh to cheer you up, or make you cry because it's very sad and allow you feel better afterwards.
So, I just have no idea how some people can hate anime. I just absolutely hate it when they criticize about anime in general online. If they don't like it, they could just quit watching it all together and not post hateful comments everywhere. I mean, if they can't create something better, I really think that they have no right to even criticize it in the first place.
Well, putting that aside, earlier in the afternoon, I managed to scream all I want when I was alone! I really felt a lot better. I'm really glad that I managed to do three of the things I said I would do in two short days.
Listening to music really helped a whole lot.
I recall a friend once giving me an advice to listen to anime songs before i sleep, and it helped! I managed to stop having nightmares recently, so i think that its all thanks to that.
Lastly, all I can think about is that it's really great when there's no school, so I wouldn't have to face her... Well, I might be escaping, but it helps me recover... So I guess that it is okay right? At least now I have other friends talking to me, just like medicine, they are all helping me to recover, and I'm really thankful for that.
Having friends is a good thing, a blessing even! Although they may hurt me at times, but no one is perfect, so I guess I can't really blame them. Learning to forgive and forget so that I wouldn't be the one getting hurt at the end of the day is the most important thing for now.
"Love to gain, and hate to lose."
If you are those whom keep clinging on to the past (like me), why not remember the nice and good things instead of the bad and sad stuff? Just remember, even if friends bring you sad memories, they bring you joyous ones too.
No one could really live without friends...
Some say that they could, but watching shows when you eat and doing stuff alone makes you lonely right..? So, treasure your friends (those whom you can communicate with) and forgive the mistakes they did which they caused you to cry, because you might have made them cry too...
Anyways, that's all for now I guess,
Ciao ciao!! <3
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