Impact.

Sometimes, something another person does or says to me causes an impact. A huge one at that. In fact, it is not just one or two, but every word, every action that someone else does to me. Basically, it's everything. And "everything" ranges from a simple "thank you" to someone ignoring my message for even 5 minutes.

Yes, sometimes I do think that there is something terribly wrong with me. Why? Even I myself cannot seem to answer. In fact, I also keep asking myself why am I like that.
Why must I be so sensitive? Why can't I seem to live "normally" like everyone else? Why must I be me?
Why me?
I just have so many questions, but all pf them are just left unanswered. The main word just keeps repeating-- Why?

For me, a simple "Thank you" from something like helping someone take up a piece of worksheet on the floor, could instantly brighten up my day. A simple note to ask if I am okay when I seem upset also makes me forget all the unhappiness I had the second before. Just something so simple, and I'll be really happy and contented. Honest. I'm really fine with anything as long as I know that there is someone out there who actually cares for me.
But why do people always take advantage of that fact?

Everyone just keeps breaking their promises so easily and they just throw me aside like trash after using me. Am I really that insignificant to you? Maybe to you, all of that doesn't matter much and you just treat it as a joke, thinking that nothing would happen afterwards. But for me, it creates a really huge impact. I do care.
Brushing and pushing your "joke" aside, constantly smiling and saying that "it is okay" even though it actually matters a lot.. Just how many times did it happen already?

I'm a human too. I have feelings. I have blood flowing within me and a heart beating just like you. So why can't you understand how I feel? Why?
Just by ignoring my message after telling me that I did something wrong without myself knowing-- Do you have any idea how much that made me panic and regretful at something I have no idea about?

I'm tired. Honest. I already lost count of how many times I've said this already. If it is not for Hibari, I think I'll be long gone. I only have Hibari acting as my shield. Without him, I am nothing. I can only keep running away from reality, and wondering when is the time where I would just break down like that and completely lose myself.. and totally vanish from this ever-so-bright-world.

When?

It's really hard. I can't tell any of these deep secrets lying within me to anyone, even my family. I would never forget that face my parents made when I broke down in front of them three years ago. That face which shows the fear they had when I broke down. The worries and everything. I swore that I would never made them show that face again. Never.

Okay, don't worry, I'm not going to end off depressing again. I know it has been a quite long time and I have no idea how many people actually reads this blog. But, I'll still say this.

Never ever hurt someone else with words you think would never affect them, because every action and word you say makes an impact.
Depending on the person who hears it, the impact varies. It could be big, it could be small. But still, please remember that it hurts.

Lastly, don't forget to always smile and go forward towards anyone whenever you think he or she needs it. It doesn't harm to know that that person is fine, does it? Also, always keep the magical two words in mind. "Thank you" might really brighten up someone instantly.
Let's all try that from now on, shall we? ^^

Well, that's all I have for now,
Ciao ciao! ^^