Hello!
Today's day had been... Quite good I guess?
The same cycle repeated in school again.
I really tried to communicate with others when they are not near her, but whenever someone else asked me something, the next second she'd be talking to that person and once again, I have to be all alone..
It really seemed to me as if she wanted to be in the centre of all attention.
It was as if she cannot be alone for even a second.
I already gave her the space she wanted, so why is she doing this?
Is making me isolated by anyone fun or anything?
For instance, during the Teachers' Day celebration earlier, (btw it's the last day of school before my September holidays!) she sat with all my friends, causing me to not be able to talk to them because I'd make the situation awkward if I was near her. Well, that just resulted in me being all alone at the end of the row of the class line. But fortunately for me, the people around me were really nice and the performance was superb! The only thing that I felt was saddening is that I celebrated it "all alone" without my "closest friends". But still, I tried to smile just now though!
Honestly, the most annoying thing is that I can't bring myself to hate that person. I keep recalling what we went through just now. and I just don't seem to be able to get it out! Now all I want to do is to scream at the top of my voice to vent all of these frustrations out, but I can't do it. There's just nowhere I could scream at.
I'm just so lost.
I really just don't know what I should do anymore.
I was watching a television programme just now, and something a guy said really inspired me.
"I can't bear to leave you guys, but I want to focus on my dream."
I think that it's really important to focus on a goal especially when one is at a loss, because it somehow is just like a light, guiding that person through the forest he or she is lost in.
For now, I guess my goal is to try to improve myself and try to make more friends, and not constantly living in the past. I would try to focus on my goal and not get swayed easily by other stuff.
It'd be hard, but I'll still give it a shot.
Ways I came up with to relieve my stress (which I would like to share with you guys!):
1) Watch anime- It really helps! Anime is really inspirational and it can make you (at least it made mine) happier!
2) Take a book to read- When you are focused and "entering" into the world of your book, you can really forget all the troubles you have!
3) Listen to your favorite music and close your eyes while you're at it- This way, you can fully relax and once again, forget your troubles!
4) Go for a run- That way you can vent all your frustrations out and feel better afterwards!
I think that's about all the suggestions I would try out during the holidays to vent out my frustrations... I hope it works!
That's about it for today,
Ciao ciao! ;D
Friday, 31 August 2012
Wednesday, 29 August 2012
A pessimistic me
Hey again.
I'm sorry that I sound so dead but today was a really hard day for me.
In school, I finally realized something today.
No one would care about me even when something happens. They would all just group among themselves and laugh with each other.
"You guys are all shining together in the spotlight while I sit in the darkness dull and down."
It certainly seemed that way to me.
Even up till now, my problem with my best friend still hasn't been resolved.
Nowadays, she would just stick with my other friends and I would be standing aside, being very awkward as it's hard to communicate with them when she's around. I'm not saying that she's mean or anything, but I guess I'm just so afraid that she would think that I'm being very annoying there.
Thus, I just stand aside quietly or just go somewhere else..
But why? It's really really hard for me because whatever I do seemed to be wrong.
People always think that I'm being a hypocrite but I'm just trying to improve myself.
Is that even wrong?
What saddened me most was that, when it was physics, I was there trying not to cry with all my might, and then my friend just thought that I was mad and sent me a "cheer up note". I know that people would usually think that I'm lucky to have such a friend, but really, it just hurts so much that I can only hide somewhere and cry.
Whenever they stand aside when I'm talking to someone, the others would be like "Hey! Come on and join in our convo!" and pull that person away from me. And then they would be all happy again, laughing with one another.
But what about me? I would just be considered like an emo person and everyone would just start ignoring me.
Why?
Okay I'm crying now again.. I'm just such a coward and simply so so weak. Why can't I be stronger? I just want to say, that
"You might have cried in the open once, but I have cried more than a million times in the dark."
Really. And that hurts a ton.
Earlier, another friend said that there holidays were coming, and I just told her that I wish that there would be holidays forever. There was really no point in me coming to school except for studying. Then, she just asked me this, "What about your friends?"
All I could say then was, "No."
It's really a bad time for me now, but I'm glad that the September holidays are coming. I straightened out my thoughts today, and realized that a wall is slowly building around me, keeping me away from everyone.
It's really just so hard to trust anyone anymore, so now, other than myself and my family, I don't think that I can trust anyone any longer. Yes I might still be the happy/emo/annoying/angry Michelle I used to be, but deep down, I don't think I'll ever be the same anymore.
I wish that someone could allow me to cry and make me spill all of this out and knock down that wall someday, I hate how there will always have this distance between me and others, that no matter how we joke and everything, it's not the same anymore. I don't want that wall, but I really need it so that I could at the very least protect myself.
Well, bye for now.
Ciao ciao
P.S. Sorry for not giving any good and positive advice today, I promise to do it the next time! :)
I'm sorry that I sound so dead but today was a really hard day for me.
In school, I finally realized something today.
No one would care about me even when something happens. They would all just group among themselves and laugh with each other.
"You guys are all shining together in the spotlight while I sit in the darkness dull and down."
It certainly seemed that way to me.
Even up till now, my problem with my best friend still hasn't been resolved.
Nowadays, she would just stick with my other friends and I would be standing aside, being very awkward as it's hard to communicate with them when she's around. I'm not saying that she's mean or anything, but I guess I'm just so afraid that she would think that I'm being very annoying there.
Thus, I just stand aside quietly or just go somewhere else..
But why? It's really really hard for me because whatever I do seemed to be wrong.
People always think that I'm being a hypocrite but I'm just trying to improve myself.
Is that even wrong?
What saddened me most was that, when it was physics, I was there trying not to cry with all my might, and then my friend just thought that I was mad and sent me a "cheer up note". I know that people would usually think that I'm lucky to have such a friend, but really, it just hurts so much that I can only hide somewhere and cry.
Whenever they stand aside when I'm talking to someone, the others would be like "Hey! Come on and join in our convo!" and pull that person away from me. And then they would be all happy again, laughing with one another.
But what about me? I would just be considered like an emo person and everyone would just start ignoring me.
Why?
Okay I'm crying now again.. I'm just such a coward and simply so so weak. Why can't I be stronger? I just want to say, that
"You might have cried in the open once, but I have cried more than a million times in the dark."
Really. And that hurts a ton.
Earlier, another friend said that there holidays were coming, and I just told her that I wish that there would be holidays forever. There was really no point in me coming to school except for studying. Then, she just asked me this, "What about your friends?"
All I could say then was, "No."
It's really a bad time for me now, but I'm glad that the September holidays are coming. I straightened out my thoughts today, and realized that a wall is slowly building around me, keeping me away from everyone.
It's really just so hard to trust anyone anymore, so now, other than myself and my family, I don't think that I can trust anyone any longer. Yes I might still be the happy/emo/annoying/angry Michelle I used to be, but deep down, I don't think I'll ever be the same anymore.
I wish that someone could allow me to cry and make me spill all of this out and knock down that wall someday, I hate how there will always have this distance between me and others, that no matter how we joke and everything, it's not the same anymore. I don't want that wall, but I really need it so that I could at the very least protect myself.
Well, bye for now.
Ciao ciao
P.S. Sorry for not giving any good and positive advice today, I promise to do it the next time! :)
Friday, 24 August 2012
Smile and be brave
Hey again!
At the start of today, I quarreled with another friend (it was more of a misunderstanding) because I couldn't reply her message on whatsapp due to me not having 3G.
She was really really pissed and angry at me somehow, and once again, due to that, I hid in the school toilet and couldn't stop crying.
The whole time, I just stuck with my other classmates and they were so nice to welcome me and even asked if I was okay.
But not wanting to show them my cowardly side, so I just smiled and told them I was okay. Yes, it was hard to smile like nothing happened, when in the inside, I can't stop crying and everything, but at least I tried to make up with my friend and we are okay now.
It is often hard to smile at the hardest times, but trust me, it would help. Showing your strong side to others would allow them to know that you are not a pushover. You can be brave if you want to. It's just a matter if you are willing to try or not.
So, quit saying that you can't do it and just try your very best to step out from your comfort zone alright?
Who knows? You might find out that you are actually stronger than anyone. You might realize that you have a stronger side somewhere which you never knew of.
If you really happen to break down, you would realize that it's worth trying to smile and be brave all these while, because all these helps you to build up your inner self confidence, and you would definitely improve to be a stronger and better person. Really, I'm not kidding at all.
That's why, I really think that it is very important to smile, especially when you are going through your hardest times.
So remember, smile and become a braver person! ^_^
That's all for now!
Ciao ciao!! :D
At the start of today, I quarreled with another friend (it was more of a misunderstanding) because I couldn't reply her message on whatsapp due to me not having 3G.
She was really really pissed and angry at me somehow, and once again, due to that, I hid in the school toilet and couldn't stop crying.
The whole time, I just stuck with my other classmates and they were so nice to welcome me and even asked if I was okay.
But not wanting to show them my cowardly side, so I just smiled and told them I was okay. Yes, it was hard to smile like nothing happened, when in the inside, I can't stop crying and everything, but at least I tried to make up with my friend and we are okay now.
It is often hard to smile at the hardest times, but trust me, it would help. Showing your strong side to others would allow them to know that you are not a pushover. You can be brave if you want to. It's just a matter if you are willing to try or not.
So, quit saying that you can't do it and just try your very best to step out from your comfort zone alright?
Who knows? You might find out that you are actually stronger than anyone. You might realize that you have a stronger side somewhere which you never knew of.
If you really happen to break down, you would realize that it's worth trying to smile and be brave all these while, because all these helps you to build up your inner self confidence, and you would definitely improve to be a stronger and better person. Really, I'm not kidding at all.
That's why, I really think that it is very important to smile, especially when you are going through your hardest times.
So remember, smile and become a braver person! ^_^
That's all for now!
Ciao ciao!! :D
Treasure, appreciate, and be thankful
Hey!!! It was a really horrible day for me today tbvh... I have quarreled with my "best friend" (to me she is considered as one I guess..?) for about 2 weeks now, and she still refuses to talk to me... :( The feeling of seeing your best friend, seeing you and ignoring you yet talking happily with other people is just really horrible. I tried not to look at her face because it would only make me feel worse. I keep telling myself that yes I've tried my best to retain this friendship, by SMS-ing her, giving her an apology letter and trying to talk to her... But those are all excuses to make myself feel better right? If I really treasured this friendship, I would do everything I could to make our relationship as good as before. But I didn't... I feel like a coward somehow... ><
To be honest, I felt that life was unfair. I was wondering why I was always facing these kind of problems when others don't really seem to. But now, I really realized how lucky I am. I was just watching tv just now and I saw how people in third world countries suffer. They worked the whole day, from 4am to 9.30pm slogging their hearts out, and all they get in return is SGD$2!! I was really shocked. I just get allowances from my mother every week and spend it unwisely. But those people never complained. They all worked so hard just for one purpose- for their loved ones to be able to live in better conditions.. Isn't it so touching and noble? I don't think that I would be able to do that... I mean, I always sets goals for myself but I never fulfill it. But as of now, I guess I'll try to improve..? I might sound like a hypocrite to some people, but I'm really trying here, with all my might. I believe that if one perseveres, they would definitely get good results in return. (Right?) The results might not always be ideal, but at least u got something right? ^^ it's just like waiting for the rainbow after the rain :D it would be worth it. So, even if you face difficulties that really make you feel like dying, just try to be brave, smile and live on! It's hard I know, because I'm experiencing it now and it really really hurts, but just try! If you really cannot do it, look for a friend whom u can really trust and confide in him or her! I believe that a real friend will definitely sit by your side and help you overcome this :) and if you really have a friend like that, you must really treasure him or her!!! A real friend is really hard to come by!! :)
Okay, that's all for today!!
Ciao ciao!!
To be honest, I felt that life was unfair. I was wondering why I was always facing these kind of problems when others don't really seem to. But now, I really realized how lucky I am. I was just watching tv just now and I saw how people in third world countries suffer. They worked the whole day, from 4am to 9.30pm slogging their hearts out, and all they get in return is SGD$2!! I was really shocked. I just get allowances from my mother every week and spend it unwisely. But those people never complained. They all worked so hard just for one purpose- for their loved ones to be able to live in better conditions.. Isn't it so touching and noble? I don't think that I would be able to do that... I mean, I always sets goals for myself but I never fulfill it. But as of now, I guess I'll try to improve..? I might sound like a hypocrite to some people, but I'm really trying here, with all my might. I believe that if one perseveres, they would definitely get good results in return. (Right?) The results might not always be ideal, but at least u got something right? ^^ it's just like waiting for the rainbow after the rain :D it would be worth it. So, even if you face difficulties that really make you feel like dying, just try to be brave, smile and live on! It's hard I know, because I'm experiencing it now and it really really hurts, but just try! If you really cannot do it, look for a friend whom u can really trust and confide in him or her! I believe that a real friend will definitely sit by your side and help you overcome this :) and if you really have a friend like that, you must really treasure him or her!!! A real friend is really hard to come by!! :)
Okay, that's all for today!!
Ciao ciao!!
Hello!
Hello there! This is a blog which I created to post what I think about life and my feelings from time to time. This is a little like a blog diary, but I hope that people (aka you) can come and leave comments here! I would give advice to you if you happen to need it, but please guide me along too! ^_^
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